Having The Future Talks..

Heyyy :)

So i was talking to my "friend" about my plans of how im gonna go about uni and what im going to do when i have to move to norwich and as we're on the same course he decided to share too

and ohno..

he said this lame thing about how he thinks itd be a good idea if we move in together to save money ¬ ¬ lol

then we started talking about whats going to happen after we finish in 2years

he wants to come back to london eventhough we have the option of staying up there to work with KLM
i want to stay incase i cant get a job back in london and then im stuck in that endless jobless graduate circle

we sat in silence
we both knew what was going to happen
but we didnt want to admit it

its weird now that hes not my official boyfriend i felt like i had no right to tell him hes right or wrong
it hurt to know that he was so adamant and didnt jus say its ok il stay with you

im such a selfish cow

all i said was "well you know we're not long term anyway"
BITCH
all he said was "i'll love you forever no matter what you know"
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The Weight Issues
Haven't really weighed myself since me and the boy started talking again i dont feel like ive gained but i dont think ive lost

Best to maintain rather than gain though aye?

Weighed myself this morning 67.4kg
Not Good..
But I Will Get To 60kg By 20thSept :)


x_-_-*Comment Replies*-_-_x

Lilah Lee-i hate how boys can eat literally everything and not have to worry about gaining weight :( my friend eats ALL the time and hes skinny as ever im so jel lol i annoy him saying hes skinny but i love the way he is...muscley and defined bt skinny not like the hulk lol x

Erm..

Ok guys honestly speaking..

What do you think of these pictures?

Do you think boys look good skinny?
what type of boys do you go for?

would you want a boyfriend that had an ed?

random i know but ive just been thinking...

Ive missed you all :(
Sorry ive been a ghost
Been working like a slave and sleepin when im not

Thank you so much for your comments..
You lot are THE bestest
I appreciate your comments so much like honestly each one makes me smile :)

x

And The Pain Goes On..

How life has changed
How my life has changed
Its unbelievable

I want to run and start a new life
I want to stay and be strong

I love my family and friends
I hate myself

Apparantly you cant love anyone before you love yourself...
So what am i a hypocrite?

Because im fat and disguisting
I cant look at myself in the mirror
I dont want to leave the house

I hate myself!
So do i really..maybe..possibly..
Hate everyone ?

Fat Causes So Many Problems Half Are Only Health The Other Half Are Emotional Physical And Mental..

Someone Help Me..

These Streets Of Mine...

As i drive through my area all
I see is darkness and sadness.
In a matter of days London has been broken.
Apparently the end is near..
Apparently theres a revolutuon..

My areas have been locked down
Work got shut down
Sirens everywhere

Fear is such a small word right now
Im really scared

Bt im angry who are these people
Why are they allowed to ruin our areas
They say "Fuck The Police"
Then why not petrol bomb a police station
Why are they ruining shops and peoples houses?
because theyre mindless thugs!

and i just binged..

He's Laying Next To Me..

as i lay here with the love of my life next to me i should be happy
as i lay here with the love of my life next to me i should feel perfect
but
as i lay here with the love of my life next to me i dont feel happy or perfect

i want to get up and purge
i want to take laxatives and hurt
i want to weigh 65kg before i go sleep
but
i want to not care about my weight and be happy and perfect

the only thing i want to do is get up and eat to stop my belly rumbling
the only thing i want to do is get up and not care about eating late
but
the only thing i can to do is lay here, hungry pretending to be happy and perfect...because one day i will be


x  :(   x

Help Please

:'(

oh guys im a failure..
I have good ane bad news..

*Good News*
we had the talk
He got all emotional and said he loved me...

*Bad News*
ive gained 5lbs!!
im happy im inlove and that means goin out for dinner/lunch/cinema..
Aghh i dont kno what to do i hate myself i hate my face my body and my life!

i love him i love him so much bt he js eata and eats and im obv the weakest person in the world....restricting then fasting fuck it

Im done with this fat
Im done with waiting for mia to come back
Im done with it all

Skinny me here i come!!

x :) x